Secret Excuse
1 Comment | Latest by: Matt Gray | Add Your Comment! »»
After some soul searching, I believe I have several secret excuses. Here is one I unearthed recently: "I don't deserve it." This secret excuse says to me, "I don't deserve success, fortune, love, attention," etc.
I think this idea stems from my Dad not being around when I was a kid and the low state of my childhood (what I judge low due to primariliy external factors). I thought, "my life would be better, but I don't deserve it; my dad is not around because I don't deserve it; we're not rich because I don't deserve it," etc.
My dad reads this blog. I'm not trying to brow beat him on here. I'm just stating the facts. I'm also realizing that the facts matter because they have shaped what I think and feel about myself. I want to clear the air on that one and say to him, no apologies needed. The past is what it was.
I've also learned that secret excuses are not uncommon excuses. Everyone has similar thoughts and feelings. What are your secret excuses? Where do they come from? Are they true?
For me, this one is not true. It's taken me a long time to figure that out.
Trackback: http://philsown.org/2005/12/secret-excuse/trackback
Comments
How to Put Your Face Next to Your Comment
Aug 28, 2008
Phil, I have to say ditto. Often, I still say to myself that I don't deserve to be here, breathing, etc- because I've literally come so close to losing my life in accidents. Somehow, someway, I say to myself every day through constant activity that yes, I do believe I deserve to live and enjoy life while I'm living. If that includes having disposable income, then so be it. If that includes everything I've ever wanted out of life- then cool. We all deserve a better life- and we also are given the free will to do whatever we can to create that for ourselves. Some do that. Others blame others for their misfortune. Have fun enjoying what you have and dreaming for what "could" be- for, your dreams just may come true, dude. In fact, our story is still coming true... (quoting Wilcox now, sorry). Good topic.