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Office Birthday Card

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I said it aloud at work this morning:

"I f***ing hate office cards"

I was inspired when I asked the gal a couple cubes down if she had signed the card. She gave me this 'deer in the headlights; don't bring that plague-ridden thing around here' look and a little head-shake back and forth. Fortunately I turned around and ran into the guy who sits across from me. He said, "Oh, I haven't signed that!" and took it from me. Poor guy. I pitied him a little bit. Then I turned and rushed back to my desk.

This is the second card I've been asked to sign since working at the new place. I got lucky on the first time. The guy bringing me the card managed to stand in my cube explaining who the card was for long enough for me to sign it. I asked him which direction it needed to go in, then added, "Actually, you're up, so why don't you take it!" and grinned an evil grin. Today's card was brought by the same guy, but he just dropped it and left. He can be taught!

I almost repeated my phrase later this morning when my boss came to my cube looking for the card! I don't have it. I don't know who has it. I never saw it. I didn't tear it up and burn the pieces (which is what I wanted to do).

Here are my issues:

Issue Number One:  The office card is bullshit. It's bullshit and everyone knows it but won't say so. I don't want to sign a card for someone I've never met and have no idea what to say to them, particularly in writing. If I have a friend at the office with a birthday coming up who is known by a few people, then we, those friends of that person should get together and do a card or something for that person. Right? It's more personal. It means something.

Issue Number Two:  "But Phil, what about when the office gets YOU a card? Isn't it a nice idea then?"No, and I'll tell you why. Plain and simple:  The last birthday that passed while I was working in a big office, they lost my card! These same gleeful, happy, morale-pushers who are making me sign this thing are the same incompetents who can't make a card happen for me. So, I'm bitter and jaded by the whole concept. A few years prior to that, the team I worked closely with at Cisco got me a book, decorated my cubical, and we all went to lunch. That was personal. That was meaningful. That was probably the coolest "birthday at work" I've had. I don't miss the lost card signed by the unknown masses at H&P. Sure, I would have recognized my friends signatures... But most of those people were strangers to me.

The thing that bothers me most about the idea is it's a totally involuntary, toe the line, "be fair to everyone" kind of activity. On the surface, this kind of idea is sweet and feels good, but underneath it lacks the passion and intention that make the card meaningful.

And then there's the interruption. A guy who doesn't want to be in my cube is taking me off task. He's trying to push this card on me for someone I've never met that I don't want to sign. Then I become that guy for 5 to 10 minutes trying to pass off the card. I come back to my desk after this useless adventure, and gee... what was I working on?

Sorry for the rant. I'm feeling very crumudgeony lately.

"No wonder you're divorced, Harrington!

May 25, 2006

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