Transformers
I saw the Transformers movie yesterday. I didn't like it.
Dialogue
The dialogue was OK when it happened. I think there's only about 4 pages worth of it in the whole film. Some clever lines now and then. The robots speaking in slang was awesome. The mention that the robots learned to speak from the Internet. I was left wishing one of them would say, "OMFG! LOL!" Seems like a pretty obvious joke after the set-up.
Plot
The plot is thin. I expected that. I didn't expect just how thin the plot would be, and that a big chunk of it - an entire sub plot - would be forgotten by the end of the film. In said sub-plot (which almost has enough material for another Michael Bay picture), a super-smart smokin' hot Australian chick-hacker, who just happens to be best friends with a black kid, who is an even smarter hacker than she is (why isn't *he* working for the government?), who just happens to live down the block from where all this government activity is happening...
Anyway, together they crack the robot transmission that no one else can figure out. Then they both get arrested. Then the black kid is hilarious. Then who knows what the heck happens to them because we never really see them again, except running around in places. Do they get killed? Married? Do they transform into a double quarter pounder meal with fries and a shake? We never know!
Spoilers!
"No spoilers!" I hear you cry! You can get popcorn during these parts, I reply. Trust me, I aint spoilin' nothin.
Also in this sub-plot the Government thinks the robot attacks are actually attacks from terrorists or other countries and tries to start, then upon reflection, prevent total war. Yawn. Get back to the frickin' robots.
Over all impression with this material is akin to Amy Poehler's Aunt Linda: "Wh-What?" (Worst Recurring SNL bit EVAR, by the way - God! How I loathe it!) Anyway, was it an editing room mistake? Left a scene out? I think they left too many scenes in, frankly.
Characters
The characters are kind of shallow, but I actually liked them; I think Sam and his family were earnest, sincere and downright lovable. Their scenes together are funny. Megan Fox makes for terrific eye-candy. She should play the bimbo girlfriend with a juvie record in every film.
Curses! Shaky Action!
My major complaint with the movie is it suffers from blurry/shaky action. Why have a photo-realistic CG robot when you're going to shoot him with a shaky camera? The move is all about the robots! Show them already!
I simply could not tell what was happening. This is actually a complaint of mine in more and more features these days. I think more and more directors are using this technique because it's trendy, but more and more audiences are walking out of theatres asking, "um, what just happened?"
When the action wasn't too quick and shaky, it was in this weird slow motion with muted sound. This tended to add a bit of drama, but it was used in moments that didn't seem like extra drama was necessary. The muted sound made those scenes feel very detached, more detached than the rest of the movie was already.
"Freedom is the right of all sentient beings!"
One major fan-boy point to make: The voice of Optimus Prime is the voice from the cartoons. Only in Dolby. Awesome! I think I came in my pants.
Miscellaneous Points
I think the transforming of the robots was way to involved. They kept having little flaps open and parts lock into place for a minute after having started transforming. That was annoying.
Race relations question: why is one robot who is black - we can tell by his voice - the only "good guy" robot who is killed in the movie? Is it just me or does the boundless racism found in Hollywood movies continue unabated? Am I too sensitive to this kind of crap? Also, thanks to shaky action - I'm not clear on when he was killed? Slo-mo might have helped at this point.
Speaking of death, the unnamed, collateral body count in this film is off the charts. Something is wrong with us when we can sit through a bus-load of people getting killed in 4 seconds of CG enhanced footage by a giant robot - because the bus just happened to be in his way - and go, "Coooool!"
Note for parents: I saw a bunch of 9 and 10 year old kids in the audience. I wouldn't take them to this movie, the humor is geared for teenagers at least (but unfortunately not for adults).
The best scenes were Sam discovering that his car is a robot, and the robots trying to hide from Sam's folks. Other than that it's a rental at best.
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